Skyrim Tales

skyrim1

Life is harsh and love is fleeting in the world of Skyrim. The chances you are going to live long enough to find true love is slim, so when you run across a semi-attractive potential mate, you’d best grab hold of them while you can because they’re probably going to die in the next dragon attack if you don’t. Or be murdered for their shoes by bandits who will conveniently leave two gold pieces for you to pick off of your loved one’s sad corpse.

Men in Skyrim generally come in two different types: haggard and grizzled. Skaia, my Redguard archer, decided she preferred haggard, which is the slightly less world-weary of the two. Shortly after narrowly escaping execution (screw Imperials!), Skaia was feeling her mortality and decided to join up with the Companions for the express purpose of finding a husband amongst its werewolf warriors. There she met two potential mates in the form of twin brothers, Farkas and Vilkas.

skyrim2

Initially, Skaia was torn between the two. She was badly in need of a tank and both were skilled in two-handed weapons and heavy armor, as well as equally haggard and burly. Vilkas was the smarter of the two but generally grumpier. Farkas was stronger and more welcoming, but not as smart as his brother. Who should she choose to share her thrilling yet inevitably short life with?

In the end, Skaia decided she enjoyed the sound of Vilkas’ name more, so after dutifully completing all the quests to become a Companion herself, she and Vilkas married at the Temple of Mara in Riften. At the wedding ceremony, Vilkas was excited about their impending nuptials and surprised that anyone had even bothered showing up to it (he doesn’t have a lot of friends… even among the Companions). Their wedding had maybe five attendees, four of whom Skaia suspected were paid by the temple to be there just for the sake of not making their wedding look so sad.

skyrim3

Skaia and her sexy werewolf had barely finished saying, “I do,” when all of a sudden, Vilkas bolted from the temple without a single word. Skaia ran after him but he was nowhere to be found outside the temple. Puzzled, she fast traveled to the Companion’s home base at Jorrvaskr, hoping Vilkas had simply teleported back home.

Nope. Not there either.

After spending over an hour searching for her newlywed absentee husband, I finally went online to scour the forums to see if any other players had experienced their character’s spouse vanishing on them. As a matter of fact, they had.

It turns out that perhaps I was a bit overeager at the prospect Skaia marrying Vilkas because immediately after completing the final Companions quest at Ysgramor’s Tomb, I fast traveled Skaia and Vilkas to Riften to get married instead of waiting for the Companions to return to Jorrvaskr first. Once they were wedded, Vilkas teleported back to Ysgramor’s Tomb and WALKED all the way across the country back to Jorrvaskr, which took almost a WEEK in-game! No wonder I couldn’t find him anywhere! After waiting an in-game week (about 20 minutes using the “Wait” feature) Vilkas finally wandered back home and the newlyweds were reunited.

skyrim4

Sadly, this would not be the end to their marital woes.

A few days later (in real world time), Skaia left her hubby behind to relax in their lovely new castle (Castle Mendoza – a Nexus mod) and went adventuring with his brother Farkas for a while. Before she left, I stripped Vilkas of all of his armor to give to Farkas because I was too lazy to go buy a second set of armor for him, and not at all for pervy reasons.

Skaia was wandering the snowy woods near Dawnstar when who runs up, literally out of nowhere, but dear Vilkas, NAKED in the snow! Skaia wondered what the hell he was doing there when she left him half a world away in their castle, but upon speaking to him, she realized that he had absolutely no recollection of their marriage and was missing his Bond of Matrimony!

The glitch fairy struck again. I searched the Internet to figure out what went wrong this time, but there was no precedence for this sort of thing and I was out of luck.

Skaia sent Vilkas home, then returned to Castle Mendoza to find her amnesic husband in their mead hall, drinking and dancing in his skivvies. Out of options, Skaia decided to do what any frustrated wife in Skyrim would do. She killed him and resurrected him to see if that would reset his programming. Completely normal behavior in Skyrim, I assure you. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

skyrim5

Vilkas continued to dance around in his underwear like no one was watching while I wracked my brain for another brilliant idea to save Skaia’s doomed marriage. Dejected, Skaia turned to leave the room when, lo and behold! There was a SECOND Vilkas standing right behind her! Vilkas 2.0 was fully clothed in the armor she gave him, including his Bond of Matrimony, and he remembered that they were married!

Through my clever keyboard witchery, I somehow managed to create a Vilkas clone. Now Skaia has an undressed clone of her husband hanging out in her castle and drinking her mead. I’m not sure what to do with him, but I think I’ll leave him alone. He seems to be enjoying himself.

I love this game.

P.S. – A few days after the cloning incident, Skaia left Castle Mendoza to go adventuring and amnesic Vilkas followed her outside. He then waved goodbye and headed out into the wilderness… in his underwear. She hasn’t run into him again since, but I like to think he’s just out in the world drinking, dancing, and having fun… and not at all being killed by a dragon.

One thought on “Skyrim Tales

  1. I feel like this type of glitch was totally foreshadowed in Morrowind, where you stumble into a Nord only in his underwear who was put in that situation by an evil witch.
    Anyway, I play on an xBox so I had to go about stripping my Skyrim husband the old fashioned way. When I was finally able to pickpocket Onmund’s robes, I literally yelped and exclaimed to my husband, I FINALLY GOT HIS CLOTHES OFF. I tried to outfit him with attire more appropriate for a home-bound merchant, but he insisted on being in his loincloth all the time. This was not a problem when it was just the two of us in Breeezehome, but was slightly more awkward when we moved to Lakeview Manor with our two kids, a steward, and a bard. I would often come home to find him tending to the bees in his skivvies. *sigh*

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s